Jump

The other day I was walking, looking at this tree from a distance and it has always looked like there was something unnatural hanging from it. I have discovered that it is tons of shoes. Shoes hanging from a tree and I was staring at this tree, really trying to look at those shoes, because honestly, I want to see these shoes up close. I have yet to really confirm that they are in fact shoes. So I was walking and I was crossing the street to enter into a parking lot and I turned my head to look if there were cars coming. I guess I wasn't expecting to see any, because as I saw a car coming my way and I was so surprised I jumped. I guess I was still lost in thought. However, I have also been surprised my my cell phone vibrating in my pocket, unexpected sounds coming from my computer, and at times the toaster. Why am I so jumpy? I don't know. The other week when I was on spring break, my brother decided to surprise me and catch me off guard as I was coming out of the bathroom. He was lurking at the foot of my parents bed and as I came out he popped out and scared me. I was so surprised I jumped back, yelled and yes fell back and I was on the floor. I then proceeded to laugh, while he laughed at me. I have never been caught so off guard and I commend him for doing such a smashing job. It is actually one of my past times to jump out and scare people. I like catching them unawares as they come out of the bathroom or turn a corner. I was actually quite happy to have the experience myself.

Our Fort

Best Day Ever

It's been a great day comprised of some very interesting happenings. Bananana has this turtle, which she purchased from the Newport Aquarium last year and she seriously likes this turtle. It's name is Turtle. So of course Simon attacks this turtle, tries to kidnap it etc. for quite sometime. This evening we were continuing to play around and I obtained the turtle and hid it in the first place that came to mind: the freezer. I, indeed, out-smarted him because Simon ended up giving up on it. Later that night Hannah goes to open the freezer and discovers Turtle. Hahaha best hide and seek game ever.
I've been reading a good bit of this website I discovered the other day called mylifeisaverage.com. (great place to waste time and improve your mood) Anyway there was some recurring themes of fort-building. Suddenly I had an urge to build a fort. So I did. I pumped up my owl city and made that fort in ten minutes!! I flipped the couch on it's side, moved some things around, draped some blankets and sheets. It's even got an awesome lamp for lighting. Hannah came in mid-build and loves it too. We played a game of go-fish and crazy eights. Both of which she won.
I also found this tennis ball when I went for my run the other day. Not only did Hannah, Simon, and I play with it, tossing it around the apt. practically breaking things for about an hour, but today Wilson (as I have named it because it says "WILSON 1" on it) scared the crap out of me. I was chillin' out in the fort with Hannah when I felt something tap my leg. I had this scary moment where I thought Kelsey had sneaked in the apt. and was now tapping on my leg underneath the table. I positively jumped and freaked out, only to discover that Wilson was playing a prank on me. It's been a good day, as I write to you from my wonderful fort...

Freshen Up

So Hannah and I have this shared animosity towards Kelsey's automatic air freshner. It's the kind that spurts out strong smelling scents every 30 minutes: Long enough for you to forget about it, short enough to maintain a constant presence. When Kelsey leaves on the weekends, Hannah switches it off. It often goes off during the night and the other day Hannah told me she flipped when she heard it. Just the other day I was in the bedroom standing right below it and talking to Kelsey. I was in an intense description of the movie Psycho. I had just gotten to the part where he's stabbing the girl and the freakin air freshner makes that noise and I tweaked out. I jumped about a mile. We then proceeded to laugh for about 2 minutes about how I was just scared out of my mind by an air freshner. I've always found it creepy and unnatural. Bananana believes that it needs to be destroyed.

The Walls or My Teddy Bear

This last semester I was studying for my nursing practicum exam which involved a head to toe assessment. I had to memorize everything I was supposed to do and all the questions I was supposed to ask. I decided in order to practice I would do a mock assessment on my teddy bear/myself. Well, of course I knew it would look as odd as hell for me to be talking to my teddy bear and saying things out loud to no one in particular . Nevertheless I proceeded to do so while Hannah was laughing at me from the bedroom. She says from the bedroom, "I'm just imagining you talking to your teddy bear and its the funniest thing ever." I shout at her, "I'm not talking to my teddy bear!! I'm talking to the wall!!!!" Because that's so much better....

Radio Shacked

While out running errands one day, Hannah stopped at a Radio Shack to get her camera looked at-- it was busted at the time and she was looking for alternatives etc. My sister was coming to visit that weekend and I had called her to ask her what she wanted me to pick up at the store as far as food for the weekend. I was telling her about what I had for food currently. I got pretty excited when I came to telling her saying, "I've got these frozen ravioli and they are absolutely delicious!!!" Right then everyone in the store stopped what they were doing and look at me. I was near the other side of the store and I murmured to Claire that I think I was speaking too loud because everyone was staring. I decided to make a quick escape outside to finish the conversation, as they continued to stare. Afterwards, I returned back into the store as Hannah was speaking with the manager whose name happened to be James Dean. We enjoyed how he had appraised one ancient video camera as having "a zoom from Hell." He commented on my passion for that frozen ravioli and we proceeded to have about a ten minute conversation and then left the store. Hannah maintains the man had a crush on me.

I've Lost It

So I come back to my apt. this evening and was going around business as usual, when Hannah calls me via Kelsey's phone. I figured maybe she did that because I wasn't picking up my phone, so she asks me: "Where's your phone?" I feel my pocket where it usually is and where I put it last and I come up with nothing. "That's a good question. I dunno." And then I remember on my way back from class I had gone to pick up my glove that I dropped and my iPod fell out of my pocket. My phone was also in said pocket, but I didn't care about that. I was too worried about dropping my more expensive, newer iPod. So some freshman picked it up and replied to a call from Hannah. And I'm supposed to go pick it up when he returns to campus. Hannah thought it would be hilarious to have Simon call my phone and demand where I was because I was supposed to meet him at 9 so he could cop some weed from me...and then of course later I have to go meet the kid to get my phone from him. Wonderful. However, that didn't work because he wouldn't answer my phone. Oh well....

A Healthy Dose of Mortification

Now here is where we get to some of the more embarrassing stories:

I often lose my phone. I often have no idea where I put it and sometimes it’s not even with me. Hannah on the other hand usually always has her phone and usually always answers it unless she is in class. So one night she can’t find her phone, so she asks me to call it. I’m like ok I can do that. So I call her phone and where does she find it?? In her bra. Yes she lost her phone in her bra. Hahaha yeah definitely embarrassing, but possibly not as embarrassing as my moment…

So I can be spacey sometimes and especially after I go running because all my energy is sapped and if you don’t like get me to look at you sometimes I just don’t pay attention. So I lose track of stuff. Anyway I had just finished showering and Hannah starts talking to me about something—I don’t even recall what it was about but I’m standing there in a towel and she saying something to me. I’m like half way responding and thinking about something else and I just ask myself out loud…I go “What was I doing? Oh yeah…getting dressed.” To this day Hannah will not let me forget that I basically had to remind myself I was getting dressed. I mean well yeah that’s me. I want to defend myself and say I’m not really that spacey and it’s not like I’m stupid, but it is what it is. If you know me then I’m not really worried, which is why I’m putting this story up in the first place.

We hope we don't die one day, but this was funny

So here's another interesting happening: I forgot to include this in the highlights of first semester, but this definitely is one of them. So Bananana, Simon, and I went on an adventure to the mall. It was a Saturday afternoon. I mean what was I thinking? Saturday+Mall+Afternoon= chaos and no parking. Wonderful. So of course everything is crowded. People are diving at every opportunity for a parking spot and we are searching like vultures for the first piece of dead carcass we can find. We go in this one smaller area of parking hoping--just hoping to find something, but we are fresh out of luck. So Bananana with her sharp turns, fast acceleration, and don't-mess-with-me attitude comes pulling around this corner out of the smallish parking area. She's going pretty fast and she clears the curb and the car in the next lane, but it was looking pretty close from the passenger side view, enough to make me think she might hit the curb. Well the lady sitting in the car in the left lane didn't think so. She thought she was going to die. She like lifted both of her arms up over her head like she thought we just dropped a bomb. We all just died laughing and Hannah goes, "See now you can never complain about my driving again because that was f**kin hilarious." I mean I knew it was close but that reaction, that was priceless. 

Incapacitated

So a lot of times I wonder what it would be like to not have a hand or arm or fingers. I think about being blind or deaf and what that would be like. I wish I could be blind or deaf for a week, just a week, so I could experience it. Sometimes I go around with my eyes closed, feeling my way through the house, trying to figure out where things are. I used to ride the public bus home from school and I would close my eyes and feel the turns, each and every one. Eventually, I would open my eyes and see if the picture in my head matched with where we really were. So many times I had it right—I knew that route like the back of my hand.

Does anyone else think the different sounds made from each number on the phone are so blind people can associate the specific sound with the number? I always thought that—is that true? I mean the numbers are always in the same order so you could figure it out that way, but the sound could help too…

I tried to get dressed without fingers one morning, just to see what that would be like. It’s pretty near impossible. You can’t do zippers or buttons—well you might be able to get the button if you try really really hard. It makes putting on a pair of jeans basically impossible. You would have to buy clothes with elastic bands or something. Anyway try it out.

Oh so this is funny… we were in a nursing class and talking about people with disabilities and one day we got to try out using wheelchairs. We were supposed to go from the parking lot to the cafeteria. It was a good distance I would say. Well I was trying to go from the curb to the street…I mean you have no idea how hard it is to find flat passageways from sidewalk to street. It makes it so people in wheelchairs have to travel farther distances all the time (a.k.a. pain in the a**). So here I am in my wheelchair going along but the way I go down the small concrete ramp and onto the street I hit this sewer drain and yeah I tipped my wheelchair. Well, hahaha I mean if I were really crippled out in the Cohen parking lot, I would be like stranded you know? I tell you this embarrassing story because 1. This blog is about embarrassing funny stories and 2. I realized that wheelchairs are like the hardest thing ever to use. They don’t go straight exactly like you want them to and this world is definitely not made for wheelchairs. Definitely not. 

Post

Every time I go to post something I always want to apologize that it may not be that interesting. I think about telling you that this may not be fully coherent and maybe you won't even want to read it, but then I decided that I won't because through this blog I'm trying to put out my true thoughts and not care about if you think they are worth reading or if they are just bad. It is what it is. Nevertheless, I always hesitate to push the "publish post" button. 

Why Resolutions?

I really want to get that moleskin ...so I can feel hip and cool—like all artistic. Proclaiming that…”yeah I write and I’m creative and that makes me cool.” But man that stuff is expensive. It’s so expensive to be cool and hip and have all this stuff. But the stuff doesn’t really say anything. I mean in the end I’ll probably start writing stuff down in it and then a month later and for weeks on end write nothing. And then think to myself: “why did I buy that? Oh yeah, it was cool and I liked how it looked and everything and I wanted to write down stuff in it. Instead of scattered through all my notebooks and on my ipod and stuff.”     

It’s weird the diary/ journal thing my mom gave me I hate how it looks, but I wanted to use it cuz I had it, but I hate feeling like I’m just writing in it so I can fill pages so I can justify buying something I like the look of and what not…like if only I had something that I liked how it looked that would change everything and I would use it all the time. Right? Well maybe-- At least maybe at first. I would write all neat and date it and everything. And then just like every other resolution I had that started out fresh and new with all this motivation it would just trickle and fade and fall flat on its face. Two days later the writing would be illegible to the common man, the date, non-existent. I mean everyone has that. Who doesn’t have that? --Unless you are like this super perfectionist motivated person, which I’m not. I always make resolutions and break them within the week. It doesn’t take long anyway. Sometimes I can be really good about it. Other times it’s like a few months and then it just ends or something stops it. It’s like routine. You have to make it routine, but then if something messes up your routine, the whole thing is just shot. Like my running-- I started running in August. I was on top of it. I did it 3 days a week. I got better. I built up my endurance. I haven’t gone running in almost two weeks because of the f***ing snow. I’m actually really upset about that, but honestly, well these are my excuses really: It’s cold. My shoes have like no traction. I have to run in the road because the sidewalks aren’t cleared. It’s hard to not slip and I can’t stand it. It’s cold. It’s so annoying and frustrating. I just want somewhere indoors to run. I just need an indoor track and I’ll be set or a treadmill. I have neither, so I feel basically screwed over, but like I’m just making up excuses at the same time.  I’m just rambling, rambling, rambling.

I still really want to give myself that chance of trying over again. Making a new resolution. It’s like I give myself a new chance to start over and be better at something. That’s why people like it so much. They like new things and clean slates and second chances. The problem is the second chance fails and you need thirds and fourths and fifths and an undeserving amount to ever change. Well, I’m not saying I won’t try or I won’t keep making resolutions… it’s more an analysis of the whole mechanism. 

Mood of Eminence

On a more serious note, I have a few thoughts for the next couple of posts.

I want to do something important. Amazing. Fantastic.  I want to—it’s like this urge to stop sitting around. I want to go outside, but as soon as I get there I get cold and lose the motivation I had two seconds ago, but I want to go. I want to do something different. I want to get a book and fill it with my thoughts and pictures and poems and be good. Like this sudden urge to be more than I am will correct everything and anything in the two minutes that I have it for. I want to do something amazing and then I occupy myself and I’m done. I don’t feel the thrill anymore, or the need and that’s okay. The mediocrity is okay again. I’m okay with it, but not really. I just stopped thinking about it. Or I was like “Well I’ve been doing stuff, it’s not like I always sit around. I go to school. I’m going to be a nurse. This is my time to just do nothing. I have a right to do nothing. Right? I mean I got straight A’s and a 4.0, so I did plenty of stuff. Why can’t I just do nothing? I mean why do I feel bad just sitting around?” But then the thought goes away and I’m fine watching movies and reading away the day and hanging out with my family. That’s it.

Highlights of First Semester

So to give you an idea of our lives and the craziness that ensues on a regular basis: 
Bananana and I speak in British accents on a fairly regular basis and often in public. We go on late night trips to Meijer to get food and we stop and have conversations in the international food isle about food we should try. We enjoy watching the people stare and wonder to ourselves if they buy it, and if not how crazy they think we are. Otherwise, we have come to the conclusion that speaking in a British accent makes things 5X more interesting. 
I got Simon (Bananana's BF) to ask a sunglass salesman which sunglasses would make him look naughty in a British accent. The best part was the salesman totally took him seriously. I mean he didn't really have much of a choice, but he did pick out a pair of sunglasses. They were the ugliest things I've ever seen. Huge, gaudy, not naughty...more like the pinnacle of frumpy. 
There's this snowman our roommate Kelsey decided to put up in our living room. I came back to the apartment one day and saw it just looking at me with its beady little eyes. More as a joke than anything else I turned it around so its face was facing the corner of the couch, like it was in detention. I just didn't want it looking at me. Kelsey doesn't say anything to me and flips it back. I do that several more times to see when she will say something to me. She continues each time to turn it back and eventually brings it into the bedroom. Hannah and I decided to bet on when she would finally say something. She only ever asked Bananana why I kept turning it around. She has yet to say a thing to me....this is the kind of communication we deal with. I think she is scared of me. 
We lost Bananana's car one time...then found it in the parking lot. We actually walked across the street to where it's usually parked and then realized it wasn't there. That almost happened twice. 
I am physically violent. Bananana is verbally violent. She swears like a sailor. 
We were driving back from Columbus and I like to stare at people we pass at 80 miles per hour, but at one point we got in this stop and go traffic and I'm continuing to look at the people in their cars. I notice this guy in his car by himself...a couple minutes later we come even with his car again and up pops this girl from the floor of the car....I'm thinking oh that's interesting...and Bananana is like...is that what I think it is?? Yes that guy just got a blow job. I mean they are both looking pretty darn happy. Me in my naive self says..."Maybe she was just looking for something on the floor???"
"No, nu uh." Hannah insists I can't deny it. That man just got a blow job in stop and go traffic and we just witnessed it. 
MORE Craziness to come....

The Beginning of a Crucial Endeavor

So it's not like I got up one morning and was like a blog would be cool. It's something I've been thinking about for several days now. This is serious people. I mean change-the-world serious. This is a crucial endeavor to spread joy and happiness and make you think. Yes, my blog has a purpose. Even though at times it will just seem like my musings, thoughts, ideas, or things I want to share, it will always have a central aim of spreading awesomeness. It may be quite ridiculous or even at times scintillating, but it will hopefully bring you something. We will try. Oh another thing I should probably mention: I'm sure this blog will be embarrassing, seeing as I do that to myself regularly. Most of all, I will struggle to chronicle the misadventures of myself (Muppet, as deemed by Simon) and Bananana (Hannah, as I nicknamed her).  Hopefully, you will all enjoy reading it. So it begins.