Why Resolutions?

I really want to get that moleskin ...so I can feel hip and cool—like all artistic. Proclaiming that…”yeah I write and I’m creative and that makes me cool.” But man that stuff is expensive. It’s so expensive to be cool and hip and have all this stuff. But the stuff doesn’t really say anything. I mean in the end I’ll probably start writing stuff down in it and then a month later and for weeks on end write nothing. And then think to myself: “why did I buy that? Oh yeah, it was cool and I liked how it looked and everything and I wanted to write down stuff in it. Instead of scattered through all my notebooks and on my ipod and stuff.”     

It’s weird the diary/ journal thing my mom gave me I hate how it looks, but I wanted to use it cuz I had it, but I hate feeling like I’m just writing in it so I can fill pages so I can justify buying something I like the look of and what not…like if only I had something that I liked how it looked that would change everything and I would use it all the time. Right? Well maybe-- At least maybe at first. I would write all neat and date it and everything. And then just like every other resolution I had that started out fresh and new with all this motivation it would just trickle and fade and fall flat on its face. Two days later the writing would be illegible to the common man, the date, non-existent. I mean everyone has that. Who doesn’t have that? --Unless you are like this super perfectionist motivated person, which I’m not. I always make resolutions and break them within the week. It doesn’t take long anyway. Sometimes I can be really good about it. Other times it’s like a few months and then it just ends or something stops it. It’s like routine. You have to make it routine, but then if something messes up your routine, the whole thing is just shot. Like my running-- I started running in August. I was on top of it. I did it 3 days a week. I got better. I built up my endurance. I haven’t gone running in almost two weeks because of the f***ing snow. I’m actually really upset about that, but honestly, well these are my excuses really: It’s cold. My shoes have like no traction. I have to run in the road because the sidewalks aren’t cleared. It’s hard to not slip and I can’t stand it. It’s cold. It’s so annoying and frustrating. I just want somewhere indoors to run. I just need an indoor track and I’ll be set or a treadmill. I have neither, so I feel basically screwed over, but like I’m just making up excuses at the same time.  I’m just rambling, rambling, rambling.

I still really want to give myself that chance of trying over again. Making a new resolution. It’s like I give myself a new chance to start over and be better at something. That’s why people like it so much. They like new things and clean slates and second chances. The problem is the second chance fails and you need thirds and fourths and fifths and an undeserving amount to ever change. Well, I’m not saying I won’t try or I won’t keep making resolutions… it’s more an analysis of the whole mechanism.